Extremely Narrow and Incredibly Dumb

R0n P@u1 may be a decent candidate and a decent guy.  I have no way of knowing this for sure since his primary campaign messaging system seems to be the evangelizing of his most ardent supporters.  If that is indeed his strategy, he needs to hire a bigtime PR firm right now.  Ideally, it would be a PR company that specializes in running around duct taping the mouths of all your most ardent supporters shut.

You know them: they speak or write in a stilted, sage-like tone imbued with the absolutely certainty that they have All the Answers. Even when they are bloviating about how the Fed is unconstitutional (it's not), or pontificating on their infallible interpretation of the Constitution (almost always wrong), or about how Jews hate Sharia law because Sharia law forbids payment interest and the Jews are all bankers (they, er - ah just stick an icepick in my eye), they come across with a certain smug attitude that can only come from someone who lives in a world completely devoid of shades of grey.

That was all a long way of saying that they are, or should be, extremely annoying to anyone who has had to think critically about anything ever.  If you think, for example, that there should be at least some kind of public safety net, since it's not in the national interest to have corpses of people who've died of starvation rotting in the gutters, why then YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF LIBERTY AND SHOULD GO TO CUBA YOU COMMIE LIBERTY HATING LIBERTY HATER!

Which brings us to the following tweets that somehow got wedged into my timeline the other day:

Their keynote speaker [Allen West, I think -ed.] is right in line with at least one of the dinner's fascist namesakes. Who needs Habeas Corpus?

This tweet was regarding some Minnesota GOP confab called the "Reagan-Lincoln Dinner".  I think.  Inside baseballers can correct me if I'm wrong.  But I'm sure that it's the "Lincoln-Reagan" something.

This tweet from someone else soon followed:

Look at the name of the dinner-- #Lincoln would have loved #NDAA. He was all over baseless, unconstitutional detentions.

Lincoln was a...

Fascist. 

Because he suspended the writ of habeas corpus -

Hang on here a sec.  I need to put my brain back in my head.

...

There. Continuing where I left off.

suspended the writ of habeas corpus (big inhale) DURING A CIVIL-FUCKING-WAR.

BEARDED UNION INFANTRYMAN: Sir what shall we do with those 300 Reb prisoners we just done captured?

BEARDED SARGEANT: Dunno yet.  Corporal Jebediah still a-draftin' the charging papers.

BUI: What we chargin' them with, sarge?

BS: The same things as those thousands of others we done captured before: SHOOTING AT US DURING A CIVIL-FUCKING-WAR! Consarn it.

Maybe they should have just slaughtered the prisoners like King Richard did at Acre during the Third Crusade.  That worked out well for him.

Oh wait.

Anyway, I find it interesting that, in the Paulbot calculus, Lincoln's suspension of habeas wasn't outweighed by his other accomplishments in the advancement of liberty.  Things like, oh, I don't know, ENDING SLAVERY?

When you see the world as only black and white, you can only pick one color.  When you do, it often makes you look stupid. No matter which one you choose.

The News in Haikus

Broken nose, black eyes.
I guess that the puck was seared,
SEARED into his face.

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
Pay the city, please.

Don't Cry, Heidi, our
Wedding Day was a Prayer for 
The Dying. Crazy.

A Coronal mass
Ejection to blast stream at
Earth. Hot gigity!

fleen

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING COMIC STRIP IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ANYONE.  VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.


fleen by learnedfoot



Attention Lefty-Bloggers: Meet the New Guy Who Tells Everybody in the MOB What to Write

The polls are closed, and for the first time in MOB election history, we have a winner on the first round of balloting.

But first, let us pause to make fun of the also-rans:

ECKER -  13 votes; 18%.

We all knew Kevie would finish in 2nd place.  That's because the saying goes "nice guys finish last". There were 4 other guys below him.

STEWART - 12 votes; 17%
I know John to be a great guy, which makes me think that his failure here was that there were many voters who misunderstood the meaning of the "Master of Sausages" moniker.

REDSQUIRREL - 7 votes; 10%

Early analysis of exit polling indicates the Redwombat, or whatever his name is, managed to vote for himself 7 times.

BEN - 2 votes; 3%

Early analysis of exit polling indicates that Ben was too incompetent to vote for himself more than 2 times.

And so our runaway winner and new Mayor of the MOB, with 38 votes (53%), is Mr. D of Mr. Dillitant's Dillatantes Dellattante's D's Neighborhood!

[polite applause]
 
It's not hard to see the reasons behind Mr. D's historically successful campaign. [BEGIN TRUE NORTH-WORTHY ACTIVIST INSIDE BASEBALL QUOTE] He had a solid ground game in a low-turnout year, with enthusiastic volunteers phone banking and caucusing with a microtargeting strategy that increased his voter ID efforts.  Lit drop. [END TRUE NORTH-WORTHY ACTIVIST INSIDE BASEBALL QUOTE]
 
Mr. D may assume the office immediately, wielding his power like a spiked mace made out of nerf.  That's inflatable.
 
Oh, and he also gets to display this totally copyrighted logo on his site:
 

There will be a swearing-in ceremony at the Winter MOB Party at that Mexican joint in Roseville on February 25th.  Hopefully that takes place before the recall efforts begin in earnest.

The Most Important Election of This Generation Month

The polls are now OPEN!!!111!!  It's right over there, atop the sidebar.

Since it's been a while, let's recap the rules:

1. One vote per computer, per day.

2. Excessive abuse of Rule 1 will be dealt with by the MOB-SOSFL in an appropriate and capricious manner.

3. Polls close Friday. If I remember.

4. If no single candidate gets more than a simple majority of votes, there will be a runoff election next week between the two candidates with the highest vote totals.  No, that's not ranked choice voting so shut the hell up.  Only moron governments use RCV.

Just a reminder that all candidates are encouraged to continue insulting each other throughout the election, and indeed, after its over as well.

The 2011-2012 Mayoral Debate Series: Question 3 - Closing Arguments

BREAKING NEWS: KAR has just learned that Bobo the Talking Chimp has suspended his campaign for MOB Mayor.  Sources close to the campaign tell KAR that he had an inappropriate relationship with a banana.  Bobo has only released this cryptic statement.

On to the final debate question.

RULES: Candidates may answer the following question in the comments to this post, or on their own blogs with a link back to in the comments to this post. I know the typical KAR reader doesn't fully apprehend the concepts of "leaving a comment" or even general engagement, but I have faith that they will somehow figure it out. Poop fart poop fart booger wiener.  Vagina.

QUESTION: Which ONE (no more, no less)of your fellow mayoral candidates is the least suitable to be MOB Mayor? Please explain why this person would be an embarrassment / pose an existential threat to the art of blogging / just sucks in general.  DIFFICULTY: You may NOT use capital letters, punctuation and the letter 'b'.

Please not that this is the final debate question.  Initial polls will open Monday.  Good luck to all the candidates.  Except that squirrel guy, whoever the hell he is.

The 2011-2012 Mayoral Debate Series: Question 2

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we're back. Sorry for the delay.

I was going to have a "Rate the Debate" followup to the first question, but I shelved it because a) I think voters should make up their own minds as to who won without input from outside influences who might have an agenda or wish to advance a prefabricated storyline to generate traffic (not that that ever happens in politics), and 2) I didn't feel like writing it.

So let's just say that most polls showed Kevin Ecker taking 2nd place.

RULES: Candidates may answer the following question in the comments to this post, or on their own blogs with a link back to in the comments to this post. I know the typical KAR reader doesn't fully apprehend the concepts of "leaving a comment" or even general engagement, but I have faith that they will somehow figure it out. And no, Ecker, you don't need weapon anywhere in this process.

Please watch the following video:
 

 
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
 
Anyway, here's the question; a two-parter:
 
The once stalwart Nihilist in Golf Pants blog has devolved into a cheap (and bad) sports betting advice site. Please answer both of the following:
 
1) What do you think are the causes of its decline?
 
2) Would you use the MOB Mayor's power of eminent domain to take the blog?  If so, how would you rehabilitate the property, or to what new use would you put it?